This post is going to be a little off subject but it still applies to self-improvement and getting your life started.
What are toxic people? Do you know? I always imagine someone who was really horrible. Someone that yelled mean things and didn’t care about you, someone who made you feel worthless and sad all the time. That however, is usually not the case.
Have you ever heard about the frog in the boiling water? Supposedly you can boil a frog to death because they don’t notice the slow change in water temperature until it’s too late and they’re paralyzed by the heat. Morbid and a little graphic I know but that’s a perfect example of what a toxic person is. When you meet them they’re very outgoing and kind, they smile and say nice things to you. Over time this changes, and people (myself included) can ignore these changes in behavior because they’re waiting (and hoping) that the toxic person will go back to the way they were before. It’s easier to see the toxicity of certain people, they lay their cards out on the table a lot sooner. Most of the time, these people know they can be toxic and hard to deal with. However, those that take a long time, are the more dangerous. They don’t know that they’ve changed and more than likely they’ll blame you. This is part of the manipulation that is taking place, which they may not even know they’re doing.
The trick is to get these people out of your life as quickly as possible. When someone’s manipulating you, it’s easy to not see those types of behaviors.
On to happier things. Take a good long hard look at the people in your life. Make a list of people, and think about whether or not they fit into these categories
People I think would help me if I needed it
People I think care about me
People who make me feel valueable
People who don’t make me feel bad and listen to what I have to say
If someone doesn’t fit into ALL of these categories, they may be toxic for you. It’s hard to cut people out of your life, but sometimes it has to be done.
Example: (this is a real thing that happened to me)
I had 2 very close friends that I had went to high school with. After breaking up with my boyfriend at the time I fell into a deep depression, 6 months later they approached me in an intervention like style to say that if I didn’t go to therapy, they would no longer be my friends.
So I basically told them that if they didn’t want to be friends with me when I was at a low point, they could find a new friend.
It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I’d also like to mention that 3 months later I did seek counseling form depression, but I did so because I wanted to, as my choice, and I did not continue my friendship with those people. In 6 months I lost a relationship I’d been in for almost 3 years, and my 2 closest friends, along with falling into a deep depression. I know that some people are really easy to keep in your life, and hard to lose, but a lot of times your life will be so much better without those that are toxic.
I hope this helped someone today. Don’t forget to smile.